Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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