dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
