i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
