I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
