What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
