kristin has been a bad kristin
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
