I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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