So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
