i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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