i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
