Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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