nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
