the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
