We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
