Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
