the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
