I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
