Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
