T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
