exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
