It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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