Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
