What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
