I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
