Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
