My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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