Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You took a bar mat shot.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
