dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
