I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
