true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
