you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
