If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
