...so i touched it.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
