Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
