I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
