U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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