Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
