If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
pop tarts are not kleenex
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
