You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
