you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
