Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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