I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
