i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
