Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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