Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
