kristin has been a bad kristin
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
