Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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