i need an iv and a liver transplant
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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