We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
