pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
